Sally Brown has advice for a … You don’t talk about his previous experience but I wondered if it had been limited to short-term relationships or one night stands? Like increasing numbers of men, Jon learned about sex through watching porn, where foreplay barely exists, women are aroused by a few cursory breast gropes and whipped into a state of ecstasy by a man pounding away. You have a busy schedule. I couldn’t master the courage to bring it up again. Sex is always over in under five minutes. You need to tell him how much you love him, and how much you want to spend your life with him, but that you want to make sure you are both as happy as you can be in the relationship, and that includes exploring and developing your sex life so that you will both want to make love to each other for the rest of your lives. Check out our favorite tips for feeling 100 percent satisfied right here. 9. Find out more at therapythatworks.co.uk or follow her twitter @SallyBTherapy, The clitoral vibrator that mimics oral sex – reviewed, Low libido? deep down, he’s too terrified, because he lacks confidence in his technique, you need to present it as ‘our’ problem, otherwise he will get so defensive he’ll shut down the conversation before it starts. He never initiates foreplay and doesn’t seem interested in doing anything sexual unless it’s penetration. You say you lie in bed ‘fuming’, but he’s peacefully asleep and unaware. He’s so caring and generous outside of sex, but as soon as we’re in the bedroom it’s all about him, and I feel like my needs aren’t important to him. Yet when it comes to sex, he seems to undergo a Jekyll-and-Hyde type transformation into a selfish and insensitive brute who doesn’t give a monkeys about your feelings. However much you feel that this is ‘his’ problem, you need to present it as ‘our’ problem, otherwise he will get so defensive he’ll shut down the conversation before it starts. Sally Brown is Healthista’s resident therapist and agony aunt. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you have to choose between having children or having a good sex life you deserve to have both. Oral sex is for men only sex and as soon as the man comes, the sex is over. And no matter what "best sex ever" means to you, you should definitely be having it. You’re super self-conscious. I would also strongly advise you to book a course of sessions with a sex therapist (find one through the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists; or Relate; or type ‘sex therapist’ and your postcode into counselling-drectory.org.uk). 8 reasons why you might not want sex, According to holistic sleep coach and paediatric nurse Lyndsey Hookway, pregnancy insomnia is a thing. Women who are too nice to tell you how they really feel are more likely to take matters into their own hands. I often find myself lying in the dark after sex, fuming with sexual frustration, as he falls into a peaceful sleep. You can change your choices at any time by visiting Your Privacy Controls. Jon (played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt) is a womaniser who thinks he’s hot stuff between the sheets, until he beds Julianne Moore’s character, and she puts him straight (she tells him it felt like he was masturbating using her instead of his hand). Practice visualizing the conversation and anticipating your partner's reaction. If that makes no difference, then you can decide whether you really want to marry someone who simply refuses to change something that is making you unhappy. I feel like sex with him is a race, and the one who orgasms first is the winner, the loser gets nothing, and the winner is always him. The … It’s hard to satisfy someone when you only have a few seconds to perform. If you continue to go, and invite him to join you, chances are his curiosity will eventually get the better of him and he’ll start turning up. The other dynamic at play here is that for four and half years, you’ve pretty much pretended to be happier with your sex life than you are. Tell him you feel that there is so much more you could be doing together. I agree to my personal data being stored and used to receive the Healthista newsletter. It could take me years to find someone, climb the relationship ladder, and get married. But he has only done it for me twice, and the second time it was only for a couple of minutes. She pleasures herself frequently. But it’s up to you to be brave and make it happen. As soon as he has reached his peak, his participation in an intimate night together is over. Outside of the bedroom, you describe him as kind, caring and generous. Even in the early days of our relationship, he has never been able to satisfy me. The idea of marriage and kids are on the table, and I couldn’t think of a better person to spend the rest of my life with. You need to present it as an erotic journey you will embark on together, which is exactly how you should approach it. Sally Brown has advice for a complicated matter. If he refuses to engage with the idea of change, you need to be brutally frank and tell him how unhappy you are with your sex life. Information about your device and internet connection, including your IP address, Browsing and search activity while using Verizon Media websites and apps. I know it’s hard, but if you can, try to put your (perfectly valid) concerns about your ticking biological clock to one side while you sort this out. To enable Verizon Media and our partners to process your personal data select 'I agree', or select 'Manage settings' for more information and to manage your choices. In this Ask Sally column, 32 year old Lisa says, ‘My boyfriend doesn’t satisfy me sexually’. 10. he is sending you the message that … However, if he is very resistant to the idea or simply refuses to accept that there is room for improvement in your sex life, then there may be other issues. But there’s something about that description that I find puzzling. I’ve tried to come to terms with his selfishness in bed, but it really bothers me. And he may not know that most women do not orgasm through penetrative sex alone. ​, Book an appointment even if he strongly resists, be preparedto go alone if you need to. Since then, he has never done it again, and if I suggest it, his response will be that he’s ‘tired’. You are right to address this issue now, as it’s not one that will go away by itself and it’s no foundation for a happy marriage. It’s best done outside of the bedroom, perhaps the next time a ‘planning our futures together’ conversation comes up. But he’s selfish in bed. Considering the amount of porn available than ever before, is it any wonder that so many men don’t know what women want in bed? Tell him you don’t want to end up as one of those couples who never has sex. He’s kind, intelligent, hilarious, and a financially stable accountant. I’m 32 and I feel like my chance to start a family will slip away if I end the relationship over bedroom problems. I will have to start all over again as a blank slate. Your boyfriend may strongly resist this, so you may have to book an appointment, tell him how much it means to you for him to come along but be prepared to go on your own if need be. She feels lucky to make a living from hearing those stories, and helping people make sense of their lives and reach their true potential. We and our partners will store and/or access information on your device through the use of cookies and similar technologies, to display personalised ads and content, for ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. He’s kind, hilarious, and financially stable, but selfish in bed. I have tried to talk to him in the past, but he got offended, and it resulted in an argument. A sex therapist will take your sex life right back to basics, giving you homework that may start with simply stroking non-sexual areas and exploring how that feels for both of you, then gradually building up slowly over a number of weeks to reintroducing intercourse. You stopped trying to talk to him about it after he got offended, and no longer ask him for oral sex. You’re selfish. He’s perfectly happy for me to go down on him, and he even asks me to do it occasionally. Find out why pregnancy affects sleep and easy tips that can help, Nutritionist Clarissa Lenherr, reveals her expert guide to preventing Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) hitting extra hard this winter, Dogs, cats, fish, horses - can our pets help reduce stress levels? Or he may have difficulties around his sexuality, or how he feels about sex generally. MORE: The Ultimate Hot-Sex Bucket List I’ve been reduced to having to finish myself off after he has fallen asleep, and I’m starting to feel fed up, and used. It sounds to me that he lacks the confidence to venture outside the straightforward act of intercourse. And I don’t know what to do. Juggling life and its many activities can easily take a toll on a person's …